Hello,I am going to show you my writing about re-crafting and it is really good and I am really proud of it because I have been working on it for long. What we had to do was we had to change up the task we have been given and make it in to a much better one and to make sure there is not that much I's or even other words. This can help me with my work and I will no how to do re-crafting and I can do much better. So please leave me a comment and see how you think about my writing.
Topic:
As I sat on the dock,I felt something tugging on my line.I tried pull it up but it felt like I was being pulled in. I tried to think of what to do. I looked around but there was no-one to help me.
Writing:
Problem:
As I sat near the wet and smelly dock,I had just felt something tugging on my rod.After a few small times I tried pulling it up but it felt like it was dragging me in. As I sat there for just a bit I was thinking of what to do. Just then I looked everywhere to see if there was someone to help me but there was no-one….
Solution:
After a while my hands started to get really sore, as I slowly took one of my hand off the rod it looked like it was going to come off…
I kept trying to pull my rod but it would not come up, all I could feel was something big.
Just then I could hear kids, but they were not far from me. As they were coming I yelled out “CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME!!” When they came over we were pulling so hard it felt like we were all going to end up in the water. As we pulled the rod up, their was something at the end of my line and it was the biggest fish I have ever seen... THE ENDS
Great start to narrative writing Juliet. Maybe next time you wont need the headings to indicate your new paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteIt is a great piece of writing. I liked how you used ellipsis, and it was a good way in creating suspense. It is a good piece of narrative writing and I really liked it.
ReplyDeleteFrom: Elina